


The Lines Keep Getting Thinner

by jadesolo



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Family Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Faith, Post 3x10, Well - Freeform, team angst anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 14:08:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5873422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadesolo/pseuds/jadesolo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Fitz finds out what drove Ward to torture Jemma, he decides to have a few words with Coulson and eventually has to tell Jemma about what happened on Maveth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Lines Keep Getting Thinner

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This fic was born from two prompts I got on Tumblr. One was from anonymous asking for Fitz confronting Coulson over what happened in 3x09, and another from geekygirl8 asking for Fitz telling Jemma about what happened on Maveth. I hope you all enjoy!

They were back; they were safe and sound and the portal had been destroyed.

It was a mantra Fitz kept repeating to himself as he paced back and forth outside of the med-room. Inside were three people; Bobbi, Jemma and Lincoln. It was almost a relief to have a proper medical doctor on the base, but even still, Fitz couldn't help but worry about the former doctor accidentally electrocuting his best friend. The lab was empty: even the usual lab techs were gone, properly either gone to bed or maybe even celebrating the victory against Hydra.

But what had they won? What'd they accomplished? Hydra was still on the loose, causing god knows what; Will was dead, Ward was dead. And yet he and Coulson were still standing. Both of whom had more blood on their hands than anyone else on the base believed.

It wasn't a new feeling for Fitz; he'd killed before. Once, to save May's life. Then there had been Gordon, but that hadn't exactly been by his hand, had it? He wasn't entirely sure if teleporting into a pole counted as murder, but he decided to include it anyway. But this...this was different. It had been Will; the golden boy astronaut hero man who had kept Jemma safe for at least four of six months on that hell-hole. All of that, only to become a meat puppet of some vile alien creature. The stuff of nightmares. Not just some old wive's tale. And he'd killed it. But that wasn't what was gnawing at him. Had he wanted to kill the Inhuman...or had he wanted to kill Will?

Before that line of thoughts could continue to go anywhere, Bobbi walked out of the med-room. She looked exhausted, but also relieved.

"She's fine," Bobbi said with a forced smile. "There's a lot of cuts and bruises, all of which will heal quickly. It's just the-"

"Emotional trauma," Fitz finished automatically, bile rising up in his throat. Tears threatened to spill and his hands had begun to shake. Ward had done this, again. The bloody arse was dead but his actions were still leaving marks that would never completely heal. All of it, all of the torture she had undergone, was because of him, because of Fitz. Because Ward had known that Jemma was the one thing that could be used against Fitz. Knew that Fitz would give up the world to keep her safe.

It was his fault.

"Fitz, I'm sorry this happened to you two. If I'd known this was how Ward would've reacted to Tommy, I wouldn't of let Coulson hand him the phone-" Bobbi began to explain, but Fitz's head snapped up.

"Tommy?"

"Yeah," Bobbi answered, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "Ward's little brother, Coulson was going to use him as bait to get to Ward but-"

_The phone call,_ Fitz realized. The phone call that Ward had received, the one that made him go berserk, made him hurt Jemma even worse than she already had. And Coulson had been the one to make it.

Everything seemed to spin around him; Coulson was responsible for what happened to Jemma, in the way that Ward had been responsible for Fitz's Hypoxia. The indirect cause, but the cause nonetheless. 

"I-I'll be back," Fitz managed hoarsely, stepping away from Bobbi, rushing out of the Lab, down the hall, panting heavily. Coulson...Coulson had sent them by themselves to the warehouse, with no other back-up from SHIELD, just the ATCU people. He had been the one to make the call that cost Jemma so much. The one who had killed Ward in cold blood, right before Fitz's eyes-

His feet were moving on their own accord, down the empty and eerily quiet halls, the echoes of screams ringing in his ears. The sound of a cracking ribcage-

He sped up his pace, brain not fully functioning, tunnel vision on only one thing. The inexplicable sense of betrayal he felt in that moment, his faith cracking with each passing second in the man whom Fitz never lost he would ever lose faith in, the man who had kept faith in Fitz when even Fitz had none himself....

Suddenly he was in front of the Director's office, and he was swinging the door open, making it crash against the wall behind it. The fact that Lance and Mack were also in the room didn't seem to phase Fitz, as he marched straight toward Coulson's desk.

" _What the hell were you thinking_?" Fitz demanded, banging his hands against the desk, making Coulson start.

"Fitz, what are-"

"What the hell were you thinking, using Thomas against Ward like that? What the hell could've gone through your mind to make you think that would be a good idea?"

Coulson stared wide-eyed at Fitz, shock written plainly on his face. Everyone in the room had seen Fitz lose it before, but never like this and most certainly not toward Coulson. A second later, Coulson replied in as calm a voice as he could muster, "I had to stop Ward-"

"No, you didn't." Fitz whispered hoarsely. "This wasn't about getting a psychopath off the streets, Director, and you know it. It was about revenge, getting revenge because Ward killed Rosalind. How does that make you any different from Hydra, huh? You killed Ward in cold blood. He was already as good as dead, we could of left him on that god forsaken planet, make him live out his life there as a punishment. But you killed him, slowly and in the worst way possible."

"Are you disagreeing with my decision to kill Ward?" Coulson retorted coldly.

"I'm disagreeing with how you went about your mission. Do you realize what they did to Jemma? They tortured her for hours and hours, doing god knows what to her. She could've _died_ and it would've been _your_ bloody fault because you wanted to get back at Ward so badly."

"Need I remind you how _you_ almost killed Ward? Twice?"

Fitz took a deep breath, looking away for the moment before turning back to Coulson. "I haven't forgotten that, sir. But my actions didn't endanger the lives of other agents, now did it?"

The emotionless mask cracked on Coulson's face, and Fitz could suddenly see the regret that the director was so desperately trying to hide. "Fitz, if I could take back what I did-"

"You can't," Fitz shouted. "You can't take back anything that you did. Or what your actions caused. You have no idea what they did to her!"

"Turbo," Mack warned, his surprise having worn off enough that he found his voice again. 

 

"Come on, mate. Give the man a break," Lance said, sitting up from his lounging position in the chair. "You've all been through hell in the past few days-"

"Jemma could've died because of you," Fitz continued, cutting off the rest of Lance's speech, glaring at Coulson with such intensity that he looked uncomfortable. "And that's something that I can never forgive, _Director_."

"Fitz!" Mack cautioned. "Take a breather. Outside, now."

Fitz continued to glare at Coulson, ignoring Mack's orders. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder, a tight firm grip. 

"Fitz, come on." It was Lance again, sympathy clear in his voice as well as a warning:  _you can't keep going on like this._

Fitz clenched his fists and moved away from the desk and allowed himself to be led out of the office. Lance shut the door behind them and turned around to look at Fitz. "Is Simmons okay?"

The engineer hesitated a moment before answering, panting heavily, realization setting in on what he had just done. He pressed his back against the wall for support, then nodded at Hunter. "The wounds weren't too severe. Nothing like what he did to Bobbi, but....more than Jemma should've gone through."

"Look, mate, I'm not disagreeing with you. Coulson crossed a line and you two suffered because of it. But yelling at the man isn't going to change the past."

Fitz let out a deep breath. "No, it won't," he agreed. "But maybe it'll change the future."

With that, he stepped away from Lance, his face in his hands, exhausted.

Hunter watched in confusion as his friend left, the engineer's words echoing in his head like warning bells. 

* * *

 

Her sides ached, all of her ached. Memories swirled all around her, blanketing her. Thinking she had lost Fitz, realizing that he was safe, he was okay. Finding out that Will was dead; the agony that she had endured-

A knock on the door brought her out of her memories and Jemma sat up in her bed, blinking away tears she had even realized had begun to fall. "Y-yes?"

The door opened with a creak and Fitz stepped inside. His face was taunt and his eyes were red. There was no hope in his eyes, all the light that she had strived for him to keep was gone. The weight of the world had fallen on his shoulders and he was struggling to hold it. 

He gestured at the bed. "Can I, uh...can I sit?"

"Yeah," Jemma nodded, scooting over so there was room. He crossed the room and sat down, staring at the wall in front of him. Jemma watched for a moment, afraid to ask what was bothering him. She moved toward him, close enough to be ready if he needed something, but far enough away that it didn't seem as if she was pressuring him into saying anything.

After a long moment of silence, Fitz spoke. "I just...needed some company."

"Okay," Jemma replied. The meaning of his sentence had been clear;  _I needed to be with you._

They both remained quiet for a long moment, before Jemma finally got the courage to ask what she'd been wanting to know since they'd gotten back. "Fitz, what happened? On Maveth?"

He didn't answer immediately and Jemma wondered if she'd tread on a thread too taunt to follow. Then his hoarse and empty voice filled the room, "I killed him."

It felt like a slap to the face. Jemma's eyes widened and she pulled away from him, staring at her best friend in horror. "What?"

"Will was dead, the creature it was.....using his body like a puppet. It tried to kill me, tried to get back through the portal. I had to kill it. Had to kill him."

Jemma's eyes burned and she stared, mouth agape as Fitz sat there, explaining what had happened, how he had no choice but to kill Will- _the creature_ -with the flare gun, burning the body. He explained right up until they left in the portal.  

"He was...he was dead when I got back?" Jemma whispered faintly, feeling lightheaded. Everything she had put Fitz through, all of it, was worthless. All the pain she had caused Fitz was for nothing, because Will had been dead the whole damn time and it was her fault, it was always her damn fault.

"Yeah," Fitz breathed. "I'm sorry I couldn't bring him back, Jemma. It's my fault, I should've done something sooner, or-"

"Fitz, he was already gone when you saved me. It's not your fault, there was nothing you could've done-"

"I could've saved you sooner!" Fitz exclaimed, turning to her. There was anger in his eyes, not toward her, but toward himself. "If I had been cleverer, I could've saved both you and Will and we wouldn't have gone through any of this!"

"Fitz, please-"

"Jemma," Fitz whispered, turning away. "I...I can't keep doing this."

Her heart plummeted. "W-what?"

"I cant do this anymore," he continued, more forcefully this time. "I can't keep fighting off Hydra, trying to keep everyone I love safe. I can't keep watching the people I love get hurt or nearly killed!"

 "Fitz, what do you mean?"

"Coulson always said 'trust the system'. That's what they drilled into our heads at the Academy, but what good has it done? The system keeps failing us, leaves us picking up the pieces or worse. I can't work for a system as corrupt as this."

Jemma stared at him in horror, "Fitz...what happened to sticking with the guy you believe in?"

"The only person I believe in is you," Fitz responded, turning back to face her. His blue eyes were pleading with her, begging her to tell him what to do. But the answer she had wasn't the one he wanted, nor the one he needed.

Jemma's gaze softened and she looked down at her hands. "I'm going to ask Bobbi to be my S.O."

"What?"

* * *

Fitz stared, baffled at Jemma. Her head was lowered and she was playing with her fingers. She didn't look weak or wounded, she looked strong. The cut on her cheek twisted his gut, but it showcased her bravery and resilience. She was like some sort of mythical being, an entity capable of fire and ferocity in battle, but warmth and kindness in front of friends.

"I'm going to ask Bobbi to be my S.O," Jemma repeated. "I'm tired of needing to be rescued Fitz, I want to be trained, properly. I want to go on the field, like Daisy and May. Bobbi and I have had...similar experiences, so it makes sense."

It was funny in a way; their story was repeating itself. Jemma wanting to out on the field, eager to learn and see the world; Fitz, wanting nothing more than the opposite, to be safe and sound in a lab. Where had those desires gotten them? And here they were, stating oh-so-similar desires, despite everything they'd been through. "A-are you sure?"

Jemma nodded; a weariness had settled around her and suddenly she looked and sounded much older than she truly was. "I do."

"Then I'll be with you, every step of the way," Fitz promised, reaching forward and taking her hand in his. There was a lot still going on between them, but they had each other and that's all that really mattered.

"Together," Jemma promised, placing her hand atop of his.

"Or not at all," Fitz finished, giving her a small, forced smile.

 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Just a few quick notes: the title of the fic comes from the fantastic Imagine Dragons song, "Nothing Left to Say", which is one of my ultimate Fitz songs. The last few lines of the fic- "Together or not at all"-is a quote from the Doctor Who episode, The Angels take Manhattan. I hope you all enjoyed the fic and feel free to comment!


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